The Importance of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a topic that many struggle with, especially those who have experienced deep trauma. Here at At The Ark, we often talk about forgiveness in our trauma recovery courses, seminars, and counselling sessions because it is a crucial part of healing. But let’s be clear, forgiveness is not about letting the other person off the hook. It’s not about saying what happened was okay. It’s about setting yourself free.
Forgiveness is for You, Not Them
A common misconception is that forgiving someone means excusing their behaviour or reconciling with them. That’s not true. Forgiveness is not about the offender, it’s about you. It’s about breaking the emotional ties that keep you connected to someone who caused you pain. Holding on to anger, resentment, and bitterness only keeps you trapped in that trauma. There’s a saying “Holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The reality is, your pain doesn’t affect them, it affects you.
The Healing Power of Forgiveness
When you forgive, you’re not forgetting what happened. You’re choosing to release the control that trauma has over you. Science even shows that unforgiveness can lead to stress-related illnesses, including autoimmune diseases, chronic pain, and even heart conditions. Forgiveness is a step towards not just emotional healing but also physical well-being.
Forgiveness is a Journey, Not an Instant Fix
It’s important to understand that forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process, not a one-time decision. Just like travelling to a destination requires multiple steps, packing, getting to the airport, boarding the plane, forgiveness happens in stages. Some days, you’ll have to remind yourself over and over that you’ve chosen to let go. And that’s okay.
Forgiveness vs. Trust
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to trust them again. You can forgive without ever speaking to that person or allowing them back into your life. Boundaries are essential. You can let go of the emotional burden while still protecting yourself.
You Deserve to Be Free
Forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about you taking back control of your life. It’s about choosing peace over pain. It’s about breaking the chains that hold you to your past so that you can move forward. It’s not easy, but it is possible. And you don’t have to do it alone. If you need support on your healing journey, At The Ark is here to help.
